Hello and welcome to episode 34 of the Ask Sri Vishwanath Show. Today I want to talk about relationship problems. What the fastest and quickest way to solve them?
Today’s question if from lizet and lizet says: “I have been struggling with my partner for the past fifteen years. No matter what I do there are constant fights and feelings of hatred. I really want to live a peaceful life him. How do I do this?”
I hear you and you have my sympathies but listen to me when I tell you that from now on things will be different. Things are going to start changing for you from now on!
The first thing I want to do is congratulate you because you have stayed around for fifteen years even though things were not perfect. This shows tremendous perseverance and I really admire you for that.
Unhappiness is a fruit
The second thing I want you to do is take a notepad and write down the word “unhappy”. I also want you to write down and understand this. Krishna says it is not possible for a woman to be unhappy because of a man or a man to be unhappy because of a woman. The freedom to think leads us to lay the blame on others.
The law of dharma says that unhappiness comes from 3 places: money, health and relationships. These are the three main areas that cause unhappiness. They are just mediums. When unhappiness comes it must come through a medium. In relationships it comes through a person and then it makes it seem that, that person is the problem when this isn’t the case.
Like all emotions happiness is a fruit and unhappiness is a fruit. For unhappiness to develop the seed has to have been sown at some point. So if you are unhappy now then at some point you must have sown those seeds. Traditionally, women think that everything they do is right and then the men also think they are right too which leads to confrontation.
Love and pleasure
Both men and women struggle because both are doing things wrong. Everyone wants to be happy but as we try to embrace happiness women traditionally seek love and men traditionally seek pleasure. Men can sometimes buy pleasure by pretending to show love but it’s just an appearance. It isn’t real. They can only give love when they embrace their consciousness.
When a woman doesn’t get love she can sometimes plant her desires onto a man. She tries to fulfil her desires through a man but she is never really happy because the love is not real. Men traditionally find out that they must listen to a woman and earn her love but they don’t always want to do this. He can put on a show but he won’t really be happy either. They both need to practice dharma.
Dharma means you have to look upon each other from the point of view of consciousness. If a man see’s a woman as just an object of desire then that’s all he will get, an object. He will never know her true self. The man needs to respect a woman’s body and embrace her consciousness.
When a man and woman embrace each other’s consciousness then there is true love. There is also joy, appendance and purity. When the love is real there will be no need for words. You will be able to read each other’s thoughts just by looking at one another. There will be no duality.
Delusion and transcendence
Krishna says that all beings in this word are confounded by the delusion, by the Maya of duality born out of attachment and aversion. We see each other differently because our consciousness’s are not connecting. The mind of a woman connects to the mind of a man and the body of a man connects to the body of a woman.
The key word here is transcendence. The easiest way to do this is to practice Samadarshana. This means connecting your consciousness with the consciousness of others. It’s not hard.
Let’s say a woman says something to her husband. The man gets irritated. Whenever someone gets irritated a wave starts to form. Think of it as a reaction to the situation. Each time either one gets irritated or words are thrown then this wave gets bigger and bigger.
Think of your mind as an ocean and these thoughts are the waves. Both of you have oceans and waves. When those waves collide it creates a storm of unhappiness. Your relationship will end up being a ship on that stormy sea.
To stop the waves building up you must embrace them. So every time one of you says something that is designed to irritate the other you must just embrace it. The only differences between you are these waves. When the waves dissolve all that’s left is consciousness.
So when you first get upset just try to remember that it’s just a wave. It’s an illusion. Try to see past it. Take possession of it as if it was your own. Think of it as coming from you not from him. If you do this then the wave will dissolve immediately because you will forgive yourself a lot quicker.
This method can solve almost every problem that occurs in a relationship. Unhappiness only occurs when a woman’s waves are out of synch with a man’s. To make them move together again you must embrace everything about him and he must do the same for you.
I hope you can understand know that you are not unhappy because of what he said or she said or what anyone did. It’s only because of the waves in the ocean. Dissolve them and the ocean will be calm. Even if he doesn’t do it, it won’t matter because you have the knowledge now.
Remember there is only one ocean. You and him are not separated you are together in this one ocean. Embrace each other and you’ll find that the ocean will be a calm one and you can float together on love, joy and appendance. There are no waves to stop you now. You are free to sail.
I hope this answers your question. Remember you keep asking questions and I’ll keep answering them.