Hello and welcome to episode 124 of The Ask Sri Vishwanath Show. Today I want to talk about the worst days of your relationships. How can Krishna help us handle those tough times in our relationships.
Today’s question comes from Steven and he says “relationships have been a nightmare for me. I love my wife but every couple of weeks we seem to have a huge fight that lasts for a week or more. It is really affecting my work and my happiness. I am not doing anything wrong but these fights still happen. Sometimes I think we would be better off separated but I don’t want to do that because we have kids whom we both love very much. What do I do?”
Thanks for the question Steven. My heart really goes out to you. In today’s world so many people are having problems in relationships. It bad for both men and women. Sometimes the reason for these arguments is a mystery but there are answers and there is always something that we can do to help.
So what happens when these arguments first happen? Do you read a book? Do you talk to a family member? Or do you indulge in pleasures like going to see a movie? Well I need you to know that when things go bad you do not really need to take any action. I am going to tell you what you need to do.
Ramakrishna Paramhansa was God incarnate and he said that he didn’t want classes in society. He didn’t believe anyone should be regarded as better than anyone else. To prove this he would go to a street sweeper’s house and clean his toilet. This would make the sweeper happy as it would remove his class distinction. We might never have the courage to do something like that but we can still learn from his actions.
At another time Ramakrishna met a preacher whom he really liked but he noticed that this preacher did not bow to great men. Instead of lecturing the man and telling him what he should do Ramakrishna would bow before him whenever he met him. God himself bowed down to show this preacher the way. Slowly the preacher understood what he was supposed to do and then he also began to bow in front of the great ones.
Once he was living in a room in a temple and was told to leave. The landlord abused him and shouted at him. People were stunned but Ramakrishna simply put on his slippers and left. Something inside the landlord told him to look at this terrible behaviour and he asked Ramakrishna to come back and he did. He never said a word to the landlord while going or coming back. He was always serene even when people treated him badly. If that was any of us we would have given that landlord hell! He would have received just as much abuse back as he had given out! That’s what we do.
He never had an ego and he never had any of the sattvic, rajasic or tamasic gunas. He had withdrawn them completely. He was always in the consciousness. He never instigated another’s ego and he never allowed the words or action of others to hurt him.
So why did he do this? He did it because he knew that you could not teach anyone before their time and before they are ready. This is so important.
So Steven when things go bad you need to know that time is not in your favour. It is not about who is right and who is wrong. You may feel that you are doing everything right but neither of you are to blame for the bad times. The important thing to know is that time is not in your favour. When time is not in your favour all thinking will harm you. When time is not in our favour we will never listen to good advice. When time is in our favour we listen to good advice and then we follow it. We learn quickly and then are able to implement what we learn. When time is not in our favour we may still receive the advice but we will block it out.
So what can you do then? Here is what you must do. You must follow in the steps of the great ones and destroy your ego. That’s the only way. You destroy your ego by doing the exact opposite of what you are thinking of now. This is the only way.
You can turn a horrible day into a pretty good day within minutes. Right now you are full of anger and hatred so the opposite of that would be to express your love. Just call her, say you are sorry and tell her you love her. Even though you didn’t do anything wrong, just say you are sorry. This what the great ones would do. Set an example for others. Call her the minute you finish this episode and just say sorry.
Don’t think about who did what or who is right and who is wrong. Just be like the great ones and destroy your ego by calling her and expressing your life by saying sorry. Remember that nothing else will work if time is not in your favour. All good advice will be blocked.
Krishna says “the knowledge of the knower is obscured by the mist of craving. Its dwelling place is the body, mind and intellect. Therefore with the senses controlled, the mind controlled destroy this craving which destroys intelligence. They says the senses are nobler, nobler than the senses is the mind, nobler than the mind is the intellect, nobler than the intellect is the supreme self. Thus worshiping him who is nobler than the intellect, restraining the self will destroy the enemy within that is craving so hard to reach.”
So we need to destroy craving and craving is nothing more than the ego. That’s all we need. We don’t need to learn anything or do anything. Just do the exact opposite of what you are doing now. Call her now as soon as you finish reading this. Keep doing it until your ego is no more. When you make this transition everything changes for the better. Do this and you will save yourself countless hours of frustration.
I hope I answered your question. Remember you keep asking questions and I’ll keep answering them.